The internet has exploded with a meme that must be strapped with cinder blocks and thrown off a bridge. This is the idea that one will set off on a wild adventure, make money as a freelance writer, and the most hilarious part…
Work on the beach. Hoards of wannabe writers still looking for their first client are running around telling people about this great plan of theirs. In their dreams they tell their boss to fuck off and then hop on a plane destined for tropical horizons. (Thailand of course. And armed with only a laptop, flip flops, and a fresh Upwork account.)
They imagine themselves sipping $1 dollar mai thais, hooking up with exotic locals, working, and doing it all on the beach.
It’s clear they’ve never been to a beach before let alone worked in the sand. Pro writers understand once you get there it’s disaster after disaster.
I’ve lived on the coast of California (World famous beaches) for 10 years and can tell you a few things about the beach.
First, the beach is sandy. Have you ever walked in the sand before? By the time you get your foldaway lawn chair to the perfect spot you’re already exhausted and ready to leave. 10 steps feels like 10 miles. It will take you (and this is a conservative estimate) 30 minutes of straight plowing to find an uncrowded spot, and another 10 minutes to carefully prepare your work area.
Second, sand gets into every crevice no matter how careful you are. Do you know what sand does to electronic components like the CPU fan in your laptop? Who thought bringing an electronic device with moving parts to the beach was a good idea?
Your ass gets filled with sand, there is sand between your toes, in your ears, up your nose, and God forbid if the sand is wet. You then take half the beach with you into your car, and then home to your sheets. You curse Jack Johnson under your breath.
You cannot escape the sand.
Another inescapable element of the beach are the sand fleas. Yes, there are FLEAS on the beach and they relentlessly hop all over you taking bite after bite. These little bastards are hungry and happily feast on your feet. The more you dig your toes into the sand the more you descend deeper into their territory. You do your best to focus but cannot take your mind off the munching.
At this point you’ve managed to open up your laptop (you have become one with the sand fleas) and you begin the next battle – intense sun glare. Despite cranking the screen brightness up to the max you still can’t make out the faintest image of your desktop. You wonder for a brief second if the laptop is even on. As you strain your eyes and squint into the screen you make out a faint image…
You will NOT work on the beach!